Not Anymore

"At long last, I could forge my own path"

Gem's first poem shared with Life As Us explores her journey from feeling misunderstood and out of place, to truly embracing her uniqueness.

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Not Anymore

I remember…

Being told I was ‘too much.’

Being described as ‘weird.’

‘Loud.’

‘Strange.’

‘Different.’

The negatives outweighed the positives.

I remember…

‘Turn your voice down, you’re talking very loudly.’

‘Don’t do that, it’s not the right place.’

‘Look them in the eyes when you’re talking to them.’

But at the same time…

‘You’re very well-behaved… A joy to teach.’

Was I bad? Was I good?

I remember…

How I felt as my friends suddenly started making fun of me.

How I felt drifting between different circles at school.

How I felt hearing people talk differently to me compared to everyone else.

How I felt standing out while also being completely invisible.

How I felt when I was ghosted by my closest friends a few months ago.

Existing is exhausting.

I remember…

Being too much for the popular lot.

Being too weird for the misfits.

Nowhere would accept me.

I wished every day that tomorrow, I’d wake up normal.

And I would belong.

No child should wish for that.

I remember…

The day I realised the reason I was different.

The fog cleared. I finally had a map. So many new directions! The way forward was never clearer.

… Which way should I go?

At long last, I could forge my own path.

No more stumbling in the fog.

No more running an Android phone with Apple software.

No more round holes for a square peg.

No more trying to be a horse when being a zebra rocks.

No more feeling lost… and not knowing why.

I am weird.

I am loud, strange and different.

I can be too much sometimes.

But I won’t feel shame for that.

Not anymore.