To help or to harm? That is the question.

"Self-help: A buzz word. Slipping off the tongue so it is universally recognisable and seems positive and beneficial. Yet, it is just a bit of branding."

We live in a world where the ‘self-help’ or ‘self-care’ movement has become a beast – both in ever increasing size and ironically also in impact. It has grown enormously in recent decades – now an industry worth a fortune. Everyone has something to contribute. Books galore. Social media influencers have something ‘profound’ to say. Happiness courses aplenty. Speakers giving TED talks. And on the list goes…

Yet, the movement is a beast in impact, as surely if it were effective, it would not have become an industry in the first place? Would it have the reach that it does globally if it were actually doing anyone the good it is meant to? If it worked, there would not be a lot of money to be made overall. So, an ‘industry’ it could never actually be.

And therein lies the rub. Like so many things that make certain people a hell of a lot of money, it needs to keep on giving. Not necessarily to you, the person in need. Mainly - in truth - to them.

So, how do they keep filling their coffers? Well, by making you come back for more. So, whatever they do has to keep being somewhat ineffective. Or maybe selectively effective so it is not too noticeable! Worse still, some of it may even need to cause you more harm. It may be subtle. It may be discreet. You will likely not notice at all, but the ‘help’ or ‘care’ part does not really come into it. A buzz word. Slipping off the tongue so it is universally recognisable and seems positive and beneficial. Yet, it is just a bit of branding. That branding may in fact make you feel more inadequate.

For in fact, most of the books or guides or tasks or lists or ‘reflections’ you are instructed to do mostly don’t really work. Maybe some do and if so, I am glad. For most, it is just more homework that you could well do without. Another thing to add to your list of things you really should do but can’t quite manage. Or it is designed in a way to ensure you keep having to come back again and again. Feeling yet more ‘un-helped’. Or worse, that it is you that fails or is not good enough.

Now, I am not saying for a moment that it is all bad – much is absolutely well-intentioned and comes from a good place. Much is definitely helpful, but I speak of the industry as a whole. The great money making machine of the self-help world.

Some have written recently of an important point - it is all very well all of this ‘self-care’ advice and recommendations. Fill in this list, do this task, visualise something pretty, draw this image… but all of this advice is from someone else. Not you. So, they do not know your own ‘self’. Maybe you don’t either, particularly if you are in a bad way. Yet chances are you have at least some inkling of a ‘you’.

So, this is where different thinking needs to come into play. It could well be that all of the literature out there, or podcasts or whatever it is, can actually help you. If so, then so much the better. Yet, take a moment and think of how you feel. How do you respond to this supposed helpful advice and guidance? What does it do to what you think of yourself or how your body responds? If there is anything negative, then notice that. Be aware. Awareness is a great place to start when you are overwhelmed with all the things you ‘should’ do. Maybe some of it simply does not work for you. And that’s okay. You are not the problem or inherently wrong or unfixable. Do not believe that.

The industry is not designed to make you feel fabulous, as then you would no longer need it. And it needs you, after all. More than you need it. Much more.

So, even just as a first step, notice, pause and be aware of what you find goes on within your body and mind with all of this ‘stuff’ constantly hurled at you. That may just be the beginning of greater self-care all on its own.

Awareness.

Notice.

Then maybe that could be the start of a different path that works for you. Maybe something akin to ‘self-hope’ to begin with…and who knows where from there.

We are bombarded, all of us. This age we live in is not one our brains can really cope with. So, increasing our knowledge of how we process things can help us too. To understand more of our wiring in the face of all this tremendous noise, whatever it is, will be a step in the right direction.

Even just pausing and noticing starts to put the power back in your hands. Seeing what may help you, personally, rather than what could supposedly help the masses. Nobody else is you. What may work for you may be useless for somebody else. There is only one of you after all and your ‘self’ matters.